I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook one minute meals in thirty seconds. I am an expert in yoga, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Last summer I toured Southern Asia with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I have an IQ of 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish my dining room before the evening news. I know the exact location of every item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the British Secret Service.

I sleep once a week, when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair with my eyes open. While on holiday in Florida, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.

On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a blender and a sandwich maker. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, archery at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, I have taught Elvis the concepts of 3d modelling and web design and I have the Mile High Achievement on Call of Duty 4.
okay....... seriously.......

I live in the town of Glenrothes, (voted most dismal town in Scotland 2009), Fife, Scotland. I suppose it is pretty dismal, but no worse than any other place... [MAP]

... anyway, I live here with my partner Shelley and our three kids.

I left school in 1984 and started an apprenticeship in Motor vehicle Engineering (posh term for mechanic) with Audi/Volkswagen... after 12 yrs in the motor trade I jumped around with different jobs before starting at the local paper mill in 1997. In 2001 I was walking through the dismal town centre when a guy approached me and asked if I'd ever thought about going to college... I had been into computers for around 10 years and always wanted I.T. qualifications.

I took the application form home and spoke to Shelley about it.... and without hesitation she said "go for it". At that time I had a son of 8, another son of 18 months and a 6 month old girl. She said "It'll be tough but we'll manage"... so when a student tells me they are broke, I can fully appreciate the situation they are in.
I handed my notice in and started a 2 yr college course 4 weeks later... HND Computing: Technical Support.
I completed that in 2003, as well as CISCO CCNA. I applied to Carnegie College (then Lauder) to do the degree... 

I didn't know anyone with a degree and it seemed like a huge jump So... I started the BSC Network Computing aand completed it in 2004. That was the Tuesday.... I got an interview on the Wednesday and started on the Thursday...

After 11 months I was asked if I fancied doing a Masters Degree... so i'm learning a new job, I have a young family and I'm asked this... "Hell Yeh" I said... 10 days later I'm at the university of Edinburgh... 2 years later i have MSc after my name.

6 years later, I am still a lecturer in multimedia at Carnegie College in Dunfermline, specialising in web design and 3d. I now try to push Social Media as much as possible and use it as my main teaching tool...
... and the moral of all this is that if opportunity comes your way... don't knock it. Don't become old and past it sitting thinking "what would have happened if i did that"... if you get the chance at something, jump at it... whats the worst that could happen?

In many ways i feel very privileged... students come to college and put their faith in me to teach them properly, and for those that are committed I feel I do that. my classes are generally a lot of fun to be in and i like to think I am the kind of tutor that acts with empathy which in turn builds a trust with the student...
anyway... enough of my sentimental remblings.... and back to the passage above.......

My bills ARE all paid, chlidren DO trust me (well, mine do anyway and that's about all that's important) and I HAVE taught Elvis the concepts of web design and 3d modelling. Elvis as in Keith 'Elvis' Mitchell. HND Interactive multimedia Creation 2005-2007. one of the most eccentric characters I have ever met, but a real nice guy with a creative touch.

...and the rest.... well....... you decide.....